Everybody is looking for something

Fb too. 

-___-

I only give you a hard time ‘cause I can’t go on and pretend like I haven’t tried to forget this.

I think it’s time you let me know. So if you love me, say you love me, but if you don’t just let me go.

Is there any chance that you remember me
Being any more than just a horrible man?
And would you consider pulling this trigger
And taking a second shot at romance?
Oh baby I want the days when you were my girl
And I was your man
Know I took you for granted but it wasn’t ‘til now
I see how much I miss you
Girl, I’m sorry that I ran the streets acting like a damn fool
But for once here goes the truth

…and then I met you, and everything I thought I knew,  I didn’t know anymore.

He wants to be CEO of Tropicana Juice when he grows up ;P

He said he doesn’t like that I wear the pants. You are very much welcome to share my pants. (:

Yes I am secretly hoping this is it.

Note to self:
Please remember not to take this seriously, at all

I wanna scream about how crazy I am about you. So what if we just met?

 “For the first time Luz, I’m not fighting for someone’s attention. I’m not trying to be seen or competing with someone else. He just gives me it…”

Me: Omg I almost stepped on a squirrel
He: Lol omg animal killer!
Me: Lol he ran infront of me! I thought squirrels were afraid of people!!
He: Lmao, I guess he sense pussy in u.
Me: Lmfao shut the hell up! I was jamming to Beyonce. Stupid squirrel scared me.
He: Lol!

> 12.59 : Wyd baby?
<- 1.00 : About to go to sleep hun. Just texting a hoe
-> 1.01 : I miss u.
<- 1.02 : I miss you more babe
-> 1.04 : Is it a good thing to miss u?
<- 1.06 : How would it be bad?
-> 1.12 : Well I miss u that’s all that matters.
<-1.17 : Okay baby. Goodnight
-> 1.18 : Night mami.
<- 8.03 : I want to plant good morning kisses all over your face
-> 8.04 : =) Mwahz

I didn’t want to try with you. Actually I fought it real hard… But its the way you asked everyone about me. The way you made me see you. The way you wanted to get to know me despite I was dating a guy you didn’t like. The way you tried to be my friend. The way you texted me “I’m dying to kiss u.” The way you asked me for an honest shot. How could I say no when you were being so persistent? I didn’t want to try with you, so don’t make me regret it.

You know why I don’t wanna be in a fkn relationship? Because it means missing you. It means trying really hard to see you and most of the time not being able to because you have to do something else, something more important. It means being disappointed all those times. It means losing my focus. It also means being vulnerable, like you’re my addiction, you’re my drug. I really REALLY don’t want that. I hate this way you make me feel. We should just stop now before we even get into it.

Told me I never talk about my feelings. Said “Baby, you have a mouth and its not just for kissing.”

Never stop kissing me

R: You’re cute text woke me up
J: I’m sorry
R: No you’re not, that’s what you wanted.
J: I’m bored. Entertain me
R: Wow, that’s what you have me for? To entertain you
J: You entertain me
R: So yo soy un payaso
J: No. I don’t entertain you?
R: No, you make me happy that’s what you do

I don’t want to be the one who wants this more

I want to do nothing but be close to you

Gosh, I just adore you

And there’s a high possibility that I might already be falling for you.

I just adore the way you hold me. The way you look at me. How you have to touch my skin, not my clothes. How you compliment the way I look. The way you feel the need to always adjust my clothes. How you notice things. I love your eager kisses. And how you smile with your eyes closed when we lay together. I like how your hand is always in search of mine when we walk down the street. I also, secretly, like that you get jealous of my ex. I respect the fact that you put us in my hands, and we can go wherever I want. Honestly though, I just want you to make me yours. I love the way you make me feel.

“I’d like you to be in my life til I die”

#he said

I wake up wanting your body

You hear me out and back me up in everything I feel and everything I do. I absolutely love you.

J: I slept horribly without you..
R: I didn’t even sleep -__-
J: Why not? =(
R: It was too cold with the AC and then too hot without it and I didn’t even feel your body =(

If this man doesn’t contact me soon there is gonna be a problem

#55 hrs

Idk why this is happening. Just the thought of what’s next. I can’t even breathe.

#Please don’t leave me

He says the problem is I don’t have a plan. So I made one:

Next month: Start driving again, sign up for winter and spring classes, do better in school, continue helping my mom out

3 months from now: Start looking for a new job, get back to dance and music, go back to church, build a better relationship with my father

1 year from now: Move out with a hoe, continue school, visit family in DR, audition for a show:any show, volunteer somewhere, learn how to cook everything or almost everything my mom makes

3 years from now: Graduate with a bachelor’s in anything, buy a car, intern somewhere, go backpacking for maybe a whole year.

5 years from now:  Start a steady job in my career path, write AND FINISH a novel, find a place I’d like to settle down, MAYBE get married

10 years from now: Make and/or adopt babies. Buy a house, get a dog. Write more books. Compose something, even if it means playing it for yourself.

50 years from now: Retire and be an old lazy fart. Travel the world. Spoil my grand kids. Preach to random teenagers on the street. Write more books. Take some college classes for fun. Join bingo night every Tuesday

All things I’ve thought about but never said “This is the plan” …I take it day by day for a reason : “People are people and sometimes we change our minds.”

And then I realized I’m okay…because the next part of that song is “people are people and sometimes it doesn’t work out.”

You said this wouldn’t happen again

Thinking

I’d like to say that this is the only post in which I will directly speak of this matter and I’m not gonna go too into detail either, but this is what I am pondering:

She only came back when she found out about me, and since then its been trouble. Who’s fault is that? Hers or yours?

And what if you want her back?

And suppose she has nothing to do with it, but you really just want to settle down and have a family like you could have had: Would you still want to be with me if I can’t give you that at the moment?

I want to be there. I will be here.. until you get it together. Until you feel better..

No, they will never understand it: how it feels to fall asleep in your arms and wake up right there next to you. And it doesn’t matter what anyone has to say or what anyone thinks because at the end of the day it is you and me and everyone else needs to “get with the program” and keep their comments to themselves. I love you.

I don’t care if she still has feelings for you. I don’t. Because you’re amazing. And I don’t blame her for wanting what I have. I don’t mind that much that you miss her sometimes. I don’t like it, but I get it. When you love someone and it doesn’t work, a part of you stays with that person. And you can’t control that feeling of missing some part of yourself. I’ll tell you what bothers me. It is that there is a lack of respect for me in this picture, that indeed I am your significant other. She has made it clear, she does not care. She doesn’t want to meet me. She doesn’t even mind overstepping the boundaries. But you know what, I could maybe let that rock for 2.5 seconds too. What gets me now is that you haven’t stood up for me, or at least not that I’ve seen. You haven’t demanded respect for me nor made her see the line in which it is not okay to cross. Maybe you haven’t noticed, so I will let you know so you can relay the message. If not, I most definitely will.

Rant needed.

I’m not a jealous person. Nor am I insecure. You love me I love you, that is all that matters. So why is she stalking your life? And why am I the only one that seems annoyed? Like I can’t do anything without her comments being  right there. And its just really funny because she’s doing it on purpose. She wants me to see, wants me to get pissed off. And I am trying to like not let that happen because I know I’m the bigger person here. I just can’t get my head around it, like maybe if you just said “hey chick, back off” she would get the fkn picture. But it seems as if you don’t mind, and THAT bugs me.Like it just feels like you restrict me and what you display that she might see but its totally okay for her to be all over it, and I am to stay shut and be okay about it? You’ve got another thing coming. And it won’t be long before this is a problem again.

I miss you. You don’t effin get it? Like it’s hard for me when I am used to seeing you everyday, talking to you all day, and spending most of my days with you. And then all of a sudden I get a couple hours once a week. It’s like drug withdrawal. And so it gets me mad that you don’t call or text me just to do so. And when I do you ignore me or you say you have to go after a minute and you’ll text me later but you never do. That just makes it feel like you don’t want to talk to me. And that hurts. And if you feel like I’m trying to force you to talk to me then that says enough. You should want to talk to me. It shouldn’t have to feel like I’m forcing you. If I’m forcing you that means you don’t want to, which defeats the purpose. You want the world to leave you alone? Deuces.

Hasta el corazón mas enamorado se cansa de ser lastimado.

 

I’d love to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say.

The truth shall set you free

they say. Though it hurts,

Freedom has it price.

You said you wouldn’t let me down.

You’ve already said that twice.

In the game you’ve lied and cheated,

I was always faithful and true.

I wonder how broken you would be

If I did the same too.

But I’m too grown and proud for that.

I’d never play that game.

I’d rather watch you squirm and beg

for us to try and regain

regain the love, the rush, the trust

But that I cannot do

Not until you prove yourself

and prove this time it’s true.

#confessional #poetry #english #class

I can’t keep running back and forth between grief and high delight

He picked you. And it hurts like hell, because I never thought this will ever happen. But he picked you. And I think he made the right choice.”

It’s harder than I thought

On top of all things.

I don’t forgive him. And that’s what I’m angry about. Because I still can’t even forgive myself for being blind about it. I’m just afraid I won’t get over it, even if he does what he needs to do

“Im dying to kiss u.”

—           11/26/2010

8:34pm (if I had to guess)

#yes #i still remember

You’ve always been my everything.

My phone lights up and I hope its you… every single time.

I need to do my essays.
And also I need to stop posting about things relevant to my situation.
I need to get my life together.
I need to stop in general.
I’m gonna try and put Tumblr on hold.
for a couple weeks maybe, til my life is in a different place.
Til I know where things are.. 

You once said I never spoke about my feelings. You said, “baby you have a mouth, and its not just for kissing.”

(Source: ugh, via sniffsnoff)